Woke up one morning, with a memory of a bygone day, a home, the one where I lived when I was very little. Trying to recollect its many features, I drew a blank every step of the way . There is no one now, from the idyllic past of my young childhood, no one with whom I can share those beautiful precious memories, no one to fill in the gaps of lost times, no one to reminisce with, the cherished times of yore.
The face that was once so dear, fading from our minds, a name that was once quick to our lips, a word that was familiar in its use, all hiding behind the veil of time, turning off like a flickering light going dark sooner than later. The old memories playing hide and seek, sometimes tantalising, like a peekaboo, some falling deep in the crevices of our minds, are difficult to retrieve and, some lost forever, forgotten in the abyss of time.
Standing in the doorway we look back at the vast expanse of our past but we recognise naught, except for those close to our mind. Casting our eyes beyond, we struggle to see through the obscurity of time, for the memories once loved and cherished, escape us, not affording comfort anymore . And when we look ahead, the future is but a narrow tunnel , with no more room for unceasing dreams, but hurtling through unfamiliarity, to choppy seas, a stormy passage in time.
Where did they go, the moments we once treasured and turned into memories, to store away for posterity ,to savour in our despair? Where do they hide, when we long to relive them ? Are they in the particles of dust that swirl around, in the peeling paint on the walls, in the dry leaves that we trample beneath our feet, are they the broken pieces of melody that wander into our thoughts, are they the shattered pieces of our dreams, swept away beneath the carpet of our lives.
I then pray, Lord, if you take away our memories, please leave behind the good. Let me always remember the hands that first held me the face that first loved me, the bosom against which I lay as a helpless babe. Let me always remember with love, the woman so resilient, the woman who nurtured, and raised me . Let me never forget the shoulders on which I rode, the strong feet on which I took my first steps , the voice that taught me the first note I sang . Let me always remember with admiration , a man so selfless, who taught me the values of life, to believe in myself .
Let me remember the one who played pranks , who made me laugh, taught me to swing a bat, to throw a ball, a bit of mischief here and a bit there . Let me not forget the little one, who showed me the joy of playing a domesticated game of ‘house’, the one who always let me have my way, taught me that love can conquer all . Let me remember the innocence of my childhood, the happiness I shared with my birth family. Let me remember the first book I read, my first friendship, my first crush , the first stirrings of womanhood, the pride in my first pay cheque.
Let me always remember the fun I had, the joy I felt. Let me never forget my first Christmas tree, the vibrant colours of spring, red gold and green. Let me remember the mornings, glistening with the dew drops, melting quickly with the rising sun. Let me never forget the thrill of the first rainfall cooling the parched earth beneath, and the colourful rainbow suspended above. Let me remember the long summer evenings, the air heavy with the smell of jasmine and jackfruit, listening to grandma’s tales, under the sickle shaped moon, and the shimmering stars.
Oh there is so much to remember, from a past that seems ever so elusive, but like all good things that must end, they dissipate from our minds like mist . Then I pray to my Lord, when all is lost, and my heart’s desires cease, when darkness falls, and the demons attack, let Your rod and staff be my protection. Let your peace like a spring of hope water the wasteland of my life. Lead me through that perilous journey and make smooth the rough patches. Teach me to wait patiently, until that day in Your glorious presence I can rejoice and be reunited with all those who have gone ahead.
Mary Jacob 