An Ode To My Sister

To my little sister an ode I write, with my recently discovered, mediocre literary skills. For thirty two years I mourned your loss. Always present just beneath my consciousness, you are never far from my thoughts, your face I carry close to my heart .

It was when I was all of five, on a day when the sun shone bright, a day when the nation celebrated the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi, that I first set eyes on you. Reaching out my hand, I felt your little fingers curling around mine, in a clasp that said for life, which turned out to be a lie .

Like the doll I never had, you opened and shut your eyes, and smiled occasionally. Soon my friends I abandoned, devoting all my time to you . School a necessary evil to bear, as I looked forward to the end of the day, to return home to you .

On the day that you were christened, family and friends gathered to bless this little baby, oh so sweet! The angels above favoured you with beauty, wisdom and graciousness, while the devil laid a curse, unbeknownst to us. Maybe, through my eyes of envy .

Not much later, I lost interest. Walking and talking, no longer the acquiescent doll, you became a little person. Much to my annoyance, you followed me around constantly, just an irritant in my life .

Growing up you always yielded, to my many demands . Never resentful of my overbearing ways, you were quick to forgive and forget. As all chores I detested, to you was delegated every task. Even at the game of tea parties we played, you were always the host and I the guest.

Filled with warmth and good cheer, you brought joy to our lives. Loved by all for your kindness , like a magnet you attracted people, like a beacon you drew them near and friends you had many. You taught us love is patient, that a gentle word, a warm smile, could bring hope to the face of suffering.

But life in it’s cruel game of chess, checkmated you much too soon. On a day when the nation celebrated its independence, you were taken away, leaving behind a silence, filled with unspoken words. Words of appreciation, never voiced, words of remorse, never expressed, words of affection, never uttered. Leaving behind a void, for us to embrace.

Looking back I wonder unto this day, how we survived the agony, how we endured that heartbreaking tragedy. Your memories everywhere, hanging like branches of pain, each waking moment a nightmare, with no respite in sleep, Trying to bury your images with mindless distractions, then longing to shut our eyes, to raise them up again, we struggled through those endless days as we fell into a deep chasm of grief . Finally, time in its mercy, healed us slowly, with each new rise and ebb of life .

Now when life gets rough and overwhelming, or when it is most challenging, I still feel those little fingers, wrapped around mine and know that you are with me. For are you not that part of me, that strives on, even in the face of adversity, that part of me, that is loving and caring, that is warm and gracious. And no matter where you are, you will always remain, my little sister, my greatest ally, even from beyond.

Dedicated to my darling sister, Shirley Kuriakose .