My Heart Begs To Differ

Barely into the year, still getting over the hangover of Christmas and New year, still not familiar with writing 2024, and we are already in the second month, to celebrate my birthday. In the blink of an eye, I have traversed another 365 days, and it is time to mark the passage of time yet again, and as all creation must grow old, so must I, but my heart begs to differ.

Looking in the mirror I see, my hair has turned wispy, with a lot more grey in it, the once fresh and firm face is sagging, and sallow in colour The indelible laughter lines have deepened into grooves, that can never be smoothed, the meshed web of wrinkles, form a rough terrain and am sad to say, my teeth are not the sparkling white they used to be. The mirror says I am ageing but my heart begs to differ, for she still sees a young girl , one with a beautiful smile .

Rising in the mornings to punishing aches , protesting muscles and creaking bones, each day is a new challenge. My steps are no longer brisk, but slow and languid, my movements, not quick and easy, as it was in the past. I dwell on my lack of enthusiasm for futile merrymaking or daring adventures, and wonder aloud, has age finally caught up with me ? But my heart begs to differ, declaring loudly, that I am still the woman with a zeal for life, ready to take on the world, to ride stormy seas, and scale the high mountains .

My voice, once so clear, has at times, a slight tremor , and the notes of my favourite songs, are often beyond my reach. My eyes are growing dim, my sight is no longer sharp,,and my memory, a feeble reflection of what it was. Names and words flee my mind, even in the midst of conversations, leaving me at times, confused and incoherent. Am not sure – footed anymore, the dexterity of my hands have diminished, and my handwriting can now be best described, as spidery. But my heart begs to differ, speaking reassuringly, that my skills have not waned, and it is not yet time to hang up my dancing shoes .

I have no concern for great matters, nor do I fancy comforts, that once seemed a coveted life style. I have left behind my complaining nature, and am grateful for the life I have, and the dawn of each new day . With no pride in my heart, am no longer demanding, but try to win over people, with love and kindness. I have no interest in magnifying self, or living on the edge, and my dwindling confidence, adds to my growing apprehension, for most everything new . But my heart begs to differ, reiterating I still have sufficient verve, and nothing is over until I conquer my fears .

Once striving hard to become someone, now striving to accept I am no-one, but just an insignificant link, an inconsequential ‘ has been’. Often disillusioned by people, weighed down by rejection and loneliness, my spirit tends to drag low, sometimes settling at the bottom like a rock. Then my heart begs to differ, whispering comfortingly, that I will always remain precious to my Creator, the One Who knew me even before I took seed in my mother’s womb, and He has a plan, a purpose for me.

So it is with my heart and mind, the perpetual dispute, a veritable battle. One, always encouraging and optimistic, the other, cautious and pessimistic, one vouching, am getting old, and time is running out, while the other averring, the best is yet to come, and there is much to look forward to. My heart still sees in the mirror, the reflection of the beautiful young girl within, while my mind accepts the reflection of the ageing woman without, and I go through my days, sometimes high, sometimes low, acknowledging both the idealistic, and the pragmatic, in equal measure.